| Social
Skills Development in Children: What Parents Need to Know |
written by Harvey
W. Ziff, Ph.D., Julie M. Ziff, LCSW and Margaret Farrell
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| of the Center for
Psychology & Counseling |
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| As a
parent, it is important understand the hallmarks of your child’s
development in order to be able to support your child’s successful
social and emotional development through the various stages. It is also
helpful to understand how to identify social deficits, as well as to
know when and how to intervene in order to assist your child to be
happy and successful. |
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| Introduction |
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The
development of competent social skills is a most vital process for the
facilitation of personal happiness and professional success. The
cultivation of healthy and meaningful interpersonal relationships is a
lifelong process that begins at birth as the infant bonds with his
parents. Then from sibling relationships to extended family, the child
begins to learn socialization skills which will then serve him later
with peer and classmate relationships. Through the teen years and into
early adulthood, these skills are applied to work relationships, as
well as an intimate and loving relationship with a partner.
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Without
the development of proper social skills, a child is at increased risk
to experience a variety of emotional, academic, behavioral, and
psychological difficulties, such as peer rejection, aggressiveness,
delinquency, depression, isolation, inattentiveness, substance abuse,
and academic failures, to name a few (incrediblehorizons.com,
2005). Additionally, the
presence of a supportive social network has been
shown to be a mitigating factor in alleviating and coping with various
forms of life stress, (Affleck, Tennen, Urrows, & Higgins, 1994).
Overall health, longevity, and quality of life measures are reflected
in the presence of healthy social relationships.
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Numerous
research studies have been conducted on children who have exhibited
deficits in appropriate social development, and interventions have
proven effective in enhancing these children’s social skills.
Treatments consisting of a combination of training in social skills,
exposure to social situations, and experiences with same age children,
have resulted in considerable improvement in the social functioning of
the participants at follow up (Beidel, Turner, & Morris, 2000). The
social skills training consisted of weekly skill building, such as
teaching the children how to effectively greet others, start and
maintain conversations, join groups, assertiveness training, relaxation
and self-control, problem solving skills, understanding and learning to
read non-verbal social cues, and interpersonal cooperation.
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| Early Childhood
Social Development |
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Birth to 6 months
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The first few years
of a child’s life are crucial in the development of
appropriate social skills and emotional competencies. It is during the
first three years of life that children find out about feelings and
begin to build a sense of self-esteem (Klein, 2000). Therefore, it is
important to be aware of the various developmental milestones that
exist, beginning at birth, in order to ensure that your child is
meeting them appropriately. In addition, acquiring knowledge of typical
social and emotional development in children can help you provide
support and intervention where necessary.
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During
the first six weeks of life, a baby’s most important emotional function
is developing trust; parents help their child develop this sense of
trust by consistently responding to his cries. In addition, a baby
should be making eye contact with his primary caregiver and beginning
to smile by the end of this time period (Klein, 2000). During the next
few months, the baby should begin to explore his parent’s face with his
hands, cuddle up to loving people he is familiar with, and begin to
notice and hear more in his environment (Klein, 2000).
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6 Months to 18 Months
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At around
seven to eight months of age, a baby should begin to crawl away from
his parents, exhibit some anxiety around strangers, have an increased
interest in objects, and be able to move away from the mother and
occasionally “check back” with her, using her as an emotional
headquarters from which he can begin to explore (Klein, 2000). During
the period of time from about eight months to eighteen months, a child
begins to really explore himself, his feelings, and his surroundings.
It is during this time that he will begin to assert himself, show joy
and frustration, enjoy playing with children his age or a little older,
and imitate some things that he sees his parents doing. Children at
this stage should also begin babbling long sentences, and pointing to
things that they want in order to communicate some of their needs to
their parents.
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18 Months to 36 Months
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From
eighteen months to about three years of age, children become more aware
of how others feel about them, begin to understand that other people
have perspectives that may differ from their own, and may develop a
vocabulary of up to 200 words. (ZERO
TO THREE: National Center for
Infants, Toddlers and Families). When you begin to leave your child
in
the care of others, whether at a preschool, child care center, with
extended family or a babysitter, it is important to alleviate worry in
your child by projecting a happy demeanor when you say goodbye, even if
you are actually sad about leaving. Staying with your child for a brief
time and getting him or her involved in an activity with the new
temporary caregiver will also ease this important separation process
(Jindrich, 1998).
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Ages 3 to 5
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A child’s “play age,”
the time from when he is about three to five
years of age, is a time when he continues to identify with his primary
caregiver, further develops a sense of curiosity and imagination, and
begins to be able to set goals (Feist & Feist, 2002). The
fundamental strength a child should develop at this time is a sense of
purpose, which can be seen when children begin to play games
competitively, and start to develop a sense of right and wrong
regarding their own behavior (Feist & Feist, 2002). As a parent, it
is important at this time to invite other children to your home to
interact with your son or daughter; your child will benefit from these
“play dates” in that he or she will be exposed to the concepts of
sharing, taking turns, and dealing with conflicts (Jindrich, 1998).
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Ages 6 to 12
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From
about age six until age twelve or thirteen, a child’s social
environment expands beyond primary caretaker and immediate family to
peers, teachers, and other adults from which to pick up social cues; it
is during this “school age” that children begin to cooperatively work
and play toward specific goals (Feist & Feist, 2002). Parents
should encourage this new sense of industriousness in their child and
provide support when he experiences natural feelings of inferiority
from time to time. It is okay to let your child know of mistakes you
might have made and how you have learned from them, and encourage your
child when he/she makes mistakes to cope and learn from them as well;
place emphasis on effort instead of outcome or perfection to promote
healthy development of self-confidence and a sense of accomplishment in
your child (Jindrich, 1998). However, balancing the support and
enthusiasm you give your child is also important. Research suggests
that children who are overly praised by their parents (i.e. constant
recognition for almost any positive behavior or minor achievement) will
have difficulty feeling a sense of accomplishment without it.
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| Recognizing Social
Skills Deficits |
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Parents
can recognize if their child is struggling with social skills by
observing their play with others, or not becoming defensive to negative
feedback from teachers or other input. Some signs that your child is
having difficulty may include aggressiveness, a reluctance to join in
play and/or a preference to play alone, making negative self-statements
about their social performance or how they think others view them,
expressing somatic complaints that serve to avoid social situations and
evidence of problems reading verbal and non-verbal cues from others.
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There are many ways
in which you can enrich your child’s social development at different
stages in his/her life. Understanding your child’s emotional growth and
recognizing the social milestones they are challenged by is the first
step as it will guide your actions in a constructive and meaningful way.
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